I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
