walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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