too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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