Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
