Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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