Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
