quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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