Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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