My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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