Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
