The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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