Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
