Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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