The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
