i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
