I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
