I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
