He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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