Kareoke will never be a sober sport
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
