@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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