Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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