Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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