oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
