Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
