Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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