I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
