so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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