I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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