I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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