Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
