if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
