I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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