whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
