Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
