And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
