Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
