We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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