The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
God, you're like boner-b-gone
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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