well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
