Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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