My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize