I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
