On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
