My room smells like vodka and shame
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
