im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
