im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
