a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
