It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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