when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
