I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
