some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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