you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My vagina just clenched in fear
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize