You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
