We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
