IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
