i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
