matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
