yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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