I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just gargled with NyQuil
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
