dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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