I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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