you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
