why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
