So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Randomize
