I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
