that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
