so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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